Janet Christie's Mum's the Word - If a car has moss, does that make it eco-friendly?

Published 26th Aug 2023, 04:55 BST

I’m not usually touchy about age because with parents who died young I appreciate the luxury of growing older and being around for my kids, but sometimes you have to fight back.

The first reference comes in the morning when a whippersnapper chugger at the door greets me, whilst our two cats slide out of the flat and curl around his ankles, with: “ah, a cat lady. My granny’s a cat lady too.”

“That’s nice,” I say, giving him the benefit of the doubt, but his follow up, “Yeah, when you’re lonely it’s company,” betrays his assessment and makes me smile as he burbles on, blissfully unaware he’s even in a hole, never mind continuing to dig. Charmed by his foot in the mouth verbosity and enthusiasm, I contribute to his good cause and he leaves me to return to making salty lentil soup and crocheting antimacassars (I’m actually working), no doubt confident he’s made my day by stopping to chat.

Later I’m fretting aloud about plans to introduce low emission zones in Edinburgh next year, as I drive Youngest Child home through the city’s midnight streets in our ancient car.

“Thank you for collecting me from work,” she says.

“Well, when it’s late I worry,” I tell her, “and it’s nice to use the car while we can. Might not be able to when the zones start. I know it’s for good reason, but I can’t afford to replace it. Shame. It’s still got life in it. Like me,” I say as we chug along. “And that old fox.”

As we crest a sleeping policeman a fox is lying in the middle of the road, calmly assessing that it has a while yet before it has to move. Wiley.

“Definitely. I’d say you’re only just past your prime,” says Youngest.

I shudder to a halt. The streets are empty so it’s safe.

“Out. You’re walking,” I say.

“IN your prime,” she sniggers. “I meant IN your prime.” And we resume tootling towards the supine fox, which stretches slowly, yawns and slopes off.

Back home, riled, I google the emission zones website vehicle checker and it turns out my car is in fact compliant. I knew that. It has moss. It might be old, it might be battered, but we live to ride another day. Like I said, we’re in our prime.

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