Agony and Ecstacy

Dear Agony Aunt

My mother-in-law asked me to water her beloved house plants while she was away on holiday and I've managed to kill most of them. I don't know if it was too much water or too little. Either way, it's a disaster. How should I proceed?

Horticulturally Hopeless

Dear Horticulturally Hopeless

There can be few things worse than getting on the wrong side of your mother-in-law, but this might actually be a turning point in your relationship. Even if things weren't on bad terms before, it sometimes takes weathering one of life's storms with another person for you to grow closer to them. I would suggest being scrupulously honest, unreservedly apologetic and replacing all of your mother-in-laws house plants with more expensive versions before she returns. You might even find that the new plants are a pleasant surprise. Oh yes, and why not ask for her advice on plant tending at the same time? There is nothing most mother-in–laws like better than handing out advice.

Dear Agony Aunt

My wife wants us to have a joint bank account but I'm not convinced that this is a great idea. She has a serious shopping habit and while I like the idea of being able to pay the bills from a joint account, I have a feeling I might end up coughing up for more unexpected items than I'd hoped for. What do you suggest?

Watching My Pennies

Dear Watching My Pennies

Trust is a more important indicator of a good relationship than a joint bank account ever was. And if you don't trust your wife to spend wisely then that is the issue you need to deal with first. In all likelihood she is feeling guilty about her shopping habit too, so by showing her that you care enough to discuss the issue you will be making a really positive step towards helping her make some changes. On the other hand, if you are just being thrifty and your wife's "shopping habit" amounts to just a few modest purchases a month, then I suggest a little more generosity and understanding on your part may be in order. Why not apply for the joint bank account but set aside a certain amount each month that you can both spend on entirely frivolous purchases. That way the boundaries will be clear to both of you from the start.

Dear Agony Aunt

All my friends are having babies at the moment, but while I'm really happy for them, I have absolutely no intention of ever becoming a mother myself. My husband and I decided long ago that we'd rather concentrate on our careers and having fun than enjoy the dubious charms of sleepless nights and the school run. But while we are happy with that decision, my friends aren't. They are convinced we're making a terrible mistake that we'll regret. How can I make them see that they are wrong?

Career Girl

Dear Career Girl

If there is one thing that the Agony Aunt is certain about, it is that there are far too many people in this world who have had kids when they shouldn't have done for the ones who know that they don't want to be parents to be made to feel guilty. Your choice should be applauded because it is the right one for you, and also for any potential children you would have had. Imagine if you did bow to pressure and then regretted it and your children grew up always feeling like they were a mistake. If I were you, in lieu of a baby shower I'd throw a life-celebration party, invite your friends and then bore them silly with tales of all of the fabulous things you plan to do while they are having their babies. Hopefully, then they will be as happy for you as you are for them. Congratulations on your choice by the way.

Got a social dilemma? Send it to [email protected]